“I’ve had it.  I’m going to fire her.” Jared said as I answered the phone.  He was fed up with Patrice, his Chief Operating Officer, who had been among his first hires after the business’ inception.

I knew Patrice and Jared well.  I’d provided coaching for each of them as they worked to build Jared’s business.  Jared, your quintessential leader, was free-spirited and visionary.  He had passion and exuberance and he excelled in inspiring his employees and transitioning prospects into customers.  Patrice brought balance to the equation.  She was practical and level-headed. She tempered Jared’s enthusiasm with well-placed reality checks and had been instrumental in creating templates and processes.  She understood Jared’s vision but stayed focused on the reality of time, the team, and the resources needed to bring his ideas to fruition.

Jared had valued Patrice’s grounded nature and global perspective in the early days.  Her dedication to process and function freed him to pursue the company’s vision.  But now, as the business had stabilized and grown, he felt inhibited by her involvement.  Jared recounted several instances in which he viewed Patrice’s actions as having restricted growth or interfered with his authority.  “I need to take back control of my company.” Jared said, “And she has to go.”

Jared said he called me for guidance on how to go about this.  He wasn’t concerned about litigation, he told me.  He planned to compensate Patrice well for what she’d helped him to accomplish.  But, he was concerned about creating a permanent chasm in their relationship.  He’d lost a good friend through that before, and it still haunted him.

I asked Jared to share what he planned to say.  He broke into a mini-speech, role-playing his intended conversation with Patrice.  He included details of why Patrice was no longer a good fit, peppered with examples of how they no longer see eye to eye. He ended with how she would be compensated.  After he was done, Jared shared with me that he wants it to go smoothly as he may need her on a consultancy level in the future. This might sound like a good plan to you as well. But it was not.

“I’m glad you called.” I told Jared, “I don’t think that conversation would have gone smoothly.”

A critical point in terminating an employee is to remember that this final interaction will be a memorable and lasting one.  It will overshadow most other interactions and have a strong impact in determining the employee’s attitude about you, and your organization, going forward.  “Off-boarding” therefore, must be respectful, thoughtful, and honest.

How to do it better:

1. Be Gentle – But Get to the Point

Terminations are uncomfortable for everyone involved. Don’t make it worse by beginning with small talk.  This wrongly suggests that everything is fine just before the axe is dropped.  Instead, give a brief warning statement that you “have difficult news to share”.  Then, succinctly state that they are being let go.

2. Allow Them to Ask “Why?”

It is natural, even expected, for an employee to ask this and other questions (now, and in the steps that follow).  Allow them the opportunity to feel heard.  The process of terminating an employee is just that, a process.  One worthy of a two-sided conversation.

3. Explain Without Blame

Share with them the reasons things no longer work – but without focusing on what was wrong. Rather, explain the actions/behaviors you had hoped to see, but which were not (sufficiently) occurring.  Describing the absence of desired behaviors allows you to explain without blame.  This helps mitigate defensiveness and denial, while also acting as a teaching moment for the departing employee.

4. Remind Them of Their Value

Yes!  After describing where they fell short, affirm for your employee by telling them where they had excelled or where you believe they will excel in their next job.  Sure, this could be a stretch with some of the employees you need to terminate, but it is of vital importance as it helps support their ego while facilitating their ability to focus their energy toward their next job. This allows your employee to leave with their head still held high.

5. Note Your Appreciation

As a part of reminding the terminated employee of their value, offer words of gratitude. Most employees have contributed something to your organization – acknowledge this and thank them for it.

6. Go Over Logistics

The above five steps are all intended to be somewhat open and conversational.  Now you can (safely) transition into the logistics of the separation of employment.  It is in this stage that you may begin to engage them in comments relative to the ‘exit interview’.

7. Say Goodbye

End the conversation by thanking them.  It may be for their years of service, for their open sharing during this process of separation, or for other reasons.  If you have a personal friendship with the person you are terminating, this is where you might reconnect with them on that level, speaking to how your (personal) connection will continue.

A final, but very important consideration: Use a kind voice and keep your demeanor professional but friendly.  Terminating an employee – whether you wish to remain on good terms or not – is a crystallizing moment. One that sets the stage for how the individual will respond or react in the future. Make sure you do it right.