Effective communication is a universal goal and the focus of company training worldwide. But too often we fall short, which leads to confusion, delays, and friction in the workplace.

The Problem

It isn’t our words that cause confusion—but our expectations of how those words will be understood and interpreted. We each possess a unique set of experiences. Those dictate how we understand things. But when we expect others to understand things the same way we do, problems emerge. To that point, some people might read directness as confidence, while others see it as authoritarian or demeaning.

Our perception or ‘read’ of a situation has less to do with the other person and more with our background. Our individual experiences, including lessons we’ve learned from the experiences of others, color our expectations. Take the story I shared in this video. In it, a project manager named Erica wants to ensure her team is informed about major changes in timelines and deliverables. She calls a meeting with Joseph, the team leader, to let him know.

Erica and Joseph leave that meeting seemingly on the same page—that things are changing and that their team needs to know about those changes. However, Erica expects Joseph to let the team know that day, maybe within the hour, while Joseph plans to tell the team next Monday at their regular meeting.

How did they land with such differing ideas of what was needed? The two had appeared to have a mutual understanding. Did Joseph not recognize the significance of the changes? Erica could easily have made that presumption and judged him accordingly.

But Joseph, we learn, did know the changes were important. The problem was that he and Erica both went into their interaction with pre-established viewpoints.  Those viewpoints, a by-product of their past experiences, led them to different understandings of what to prioritize.

Are communication challenges like these inevitable? No. But they will require you to adjust your communication.

Follow these simple steps:

1. Identify what you want.Erica did this well when she told Joseph about the changes needed. She knew the changes would impact the team greatly and wanted them to be aware as soon as possible.
2. Communicate specifics.While Erica was clear about the changes afoot, she failed to tell Joseph that she expected him to share this with the team as soon as possible.
3. Share your experience—your “why.”Erica missed this step too. She wanted the team to know about the changes immediately as she knew they would greatly affect her team’s workload and schedule. Erica felt the team must know now to be prepared and ready to kick-off with the new responsibilities on Monday.

Meanwhile, Joseph wanted to wait until the following week as he believed news of these changes would distract the team, making it impossible to meet their Friday deadline. He wanted to wait for a fresh week, so they could finish the current week strong and without interference.

Why it Works

Once Erica and Joseph hear about the other’s experiences, they can strategize a plan together. This is purposeful communication. It goes beyond facts and includes the sharing of our experiences, concerns, and beliefs. It leads to better problem-solving and allows for joint strategizing.

Rather than focusing solely on facts, and assuming your conversation partner sees the situation as you do, this practice allows you to share your relevant experiences, and solicit theirs. Now, you can create a joint plan that entertains each person’s viewpoint

The benefit of developing this shared learning stretches beyond the problem at hand. As Erica and Joseph’s awareness is broadened by learning of the other’s experiences, root concerns become jointly understood and future decision-making is expedited.  Further, the potential for either to misread the situation and make assumptions about the other’s competence or behavior will be alleviated. Over time, instead of conflict, we can expect Erica and Joseph to build a more supportive working relationship that empowers them to make collaborative decisions seamlessly.

Coming into interactions with a clear vision of what you want, specific details on how you expect it to happen, and the reason or experience that defines why you want it a particular way, creates the sharp difference between clear, meaningful communication and a conflicted mess of blame, tension, and disagreement.

The Result

By learning to communicate thoroughly – including listening to each other’s experiences – before determining a course of action, you can avoid the damage of mismatched expectations. This shift makes communication clear while misunderstandings and mistakes fade into the distance. Mastering this skill allows your leadership to shine, your company to flourish, and your staff to experience the transformation of being a true – and dynamic – team.